This is a story about a boy…many boys in fact. Most wear grown up clothes too!
Disclaimer:This is not a bash of men nor is it victimizing women. We all need discernment, understanding, integrity and most of all, honest COMMUNICATION when dealing with people. This is about how miscommunication and not growing from past mistakes lead to a vicious and detrimental cycle.
It has come to my attention that some women in my life have been consistently flabbergasted by some of the actions fellow men have deemed permissible which is in fact false. I will tell a story that is not uncommon.
For my man friends reading this that are gentlemen, you should know this is not about you. For those men whom are reading this because a girl sent it to you….this is for you. Sorry.
Let’s start with the story which I have paired with a soundtrack:
It’s about a boy named, well let’s say Patrick Bateman. He’s new in town. He decides to go on a dating website to meet women. He meets a woman, (not on a dating website) let’s say her name is, Buttercup. She is looking for her husband while just recently discovering religion/ spiritualism ( what have you). They meet, they try to be friends but it’s all swept out the window the moment they introduce themselves.
Call Me Maybe
They hang out for a while. Mr. Bateman is respectable and a gentleman. Buttercup swoons and falls for him in less than a week. IT MUST BE LOVE-cuz love hits you before you know each others birthdays and is real even when there have been no disputes. Perfect right?
Super Bass-Nicki Minaj
Then the trouble starts. Buttercup tosses some warning signs aside and chalks it up to his recent stress or her “menstrual cramps”. After a few weeks of these warning signs she tries to bring up the issues she has. One issue is that she is not ready to give her virginity away. Kissing is ok, but THAT gift must be given to a worthy man. Well Mr. Bateman (unbeknownst to Buttercup) is a passive aggressor who walks away from issues. He does just that. That breaks Buttercups heart. She takes it personally and cries to her girl friends,Flora, Fauna and Merryweather. They know Buttercup well. They tell her to relax and if Patrick continues to be that way during arguments that they are not good for one another. Buttercup cries and hopes he is able to open his heart.
Weeks of on and off again moods from him get Buttercup tense and more reluctant to give him affections in turn making the relationship more difficult. She asks questions to understand him and help him. He sulks, whines and pushes away.
Between the Lines
Patrick persists about his sexual desires while Buttercup becomes more morally aware of her obligations and worth as a young woman. Then the kicker; Buttercups friend, Merryweather finds her precious Mr. Bateman is STILL on the dating website! What a travesty. Buttercup tries to talk to her once charming Prince and is met with his front door slammed in her face. She thought he loved her! This is a surprise to her. She must do what any woman does. She must break up with him.
The Swell Season When your Mind’s Made Up
Weeks go by where they don’t speak. Buttercup grows in her individuality and self confidence. Surprisingly, she desires joy in her old friend, Batey. He, however, wants to brood until he seeks another woman. He will continue this cycle of sudden happiness for a while before falling back into depression. Buttercup foresees this (as do her friends,Flora, Fauna and Merryweather). Like a silly schoolgirl she tries to befriend him. He assumes ( which makes us what, children…an a$$) that she still wants romance from him.
Hang with Me-Robyn
This is devastating for Buttercup. She wants to understand why he isn’t learning from mistakes and growing into a wonderful Prince that he can be. Then buttercup realizes, it’s not her problem. She can’t be worried for others who won’t help themselves. No matter how much she wanted to help as a friend, it would always be shadowed by their past. This was a bittersweet revelation.
Poor Buttercup jumped too deep into a relationship that she was not ready nor right for. If they hadn’t jumped into a relationship, Mr. Bateman may have been a good friend. Like all stories, except the Titanic, there is always hope.
Let me reiterate. This was not a man-bash nor relationship bash. It was a warning to all who are desiring a relationship. Please, women, unless the man has a reference sheet pages long of his qualities (good and bad). DON’T Jump into “love” so quickly. As Snow Patrol said, “Those three words are said too much, then not enough”. People throw the word around when they don’t know the weight of that commitment while those in love are continually waiting to hear the other person say it first. How about this; tell your family and friends you love them. Show them your appreciation. I bet Flora, Fauna and Merryweather didn’t hear it enough from Buttercup because of her blind admiration for a man not right for her. Bateman/ all men need to do the same. Tell your bros you love them! Don’t be afraid!
Men, communicate your intentions from the beginning. Don’t let the woman wear the pants. Be the gentleman and respectable leader you were qualified to be. Talk about your emotions; it’s so much hotter than you think.
As some viewers know, I am a Christian. If any other Christians are reading then pray before accepting dates. It’s a relief to know that If you allow God to lead the first date, He will open your eyes to what kind of Godly man your heart has been patiently waiting for. If you have been hurt by a guy, pray for them. Don’t worry after that. Prayer is sometimes the best you can do without hurting your heart even more.
I wish everyone the best. If anyone has a similar story please comment, email or retweet. If you want any book recommendations for relationships, let me know! I’d be happy to help.
Washed by the Water